Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
