i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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