i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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