grandma shit on top of the toilet
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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