I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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