Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
