He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
