I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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