I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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