your room smells of hookers.
And success
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
