just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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