Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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