Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
