Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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