i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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