all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
