Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
