allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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