so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
