The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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