i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Too much gin, very little bucket
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
