So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
