Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
