i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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