some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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