So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
