508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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