We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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