My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
