I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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