She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
