I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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