Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
