somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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