Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
