Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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