when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
