how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
