Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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