she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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