You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
