i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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