but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
