the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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