If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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