I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
