Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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