You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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