Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
