Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
