If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You ruined the universe
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
