I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
