I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let's get the cat blown out
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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