Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You can't motorboat a personality
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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