I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
