Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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